Into the light
by dream2bawrtr
Summary: After an encounter with very dangerous people, Ana was left for dead in a ditch, but was found by a pedestrian. Will that traumatic experience scar her for life? Or will she be able to live her life like before?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG or these amazing characters.**

* * *

 **Into the light**

 **The first chapter**

xxx [[[]]] xxx

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 **This story is set in an alternate universe.**

 **In this one, Ana is a Police Detective (homicide). I hope you enjoy reading this. I sure enjoyed writing it! :)**

 **And don't forget to tell me what you think about the chap?**

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Christian waited impatiently in the apartment. He was waiting for Hannah. His heart almost jumped up, when he heard the tapping of high heels. It was her. Hannah...

With a huge lump in his throat, Christian got up from the red couch. While scanning the living room, his heart contracted inside his chest, the pain so unbearable. Everything about the room was reminding him of her.

His Ana...

When he was inside her bedroom a few minutes ago, all he could smell was her. The perfume Ana wore, her shampoo, the lotion she applied onto her soft, delicate skin. Those things drove his senses wild, almost driving him to the brink of insanity.

Finally, he saw Hannah walk in. Her eyes were red from crying and her face was still wet. Wet from tears. Within seconds, Christian stood in front of her. He grabbed Hannah by her upper arms and with a trembling voice he asked. "How bad is it? Tell me, please..."

Hannah wasn't able to answer him. She began to sob uncontrollably, her whole body shaking.

"Please, Hannah. Tell me!" he begged, his voice trembling heavily.

She shook her head, trying to form coherent sentences but she kept failing." An...Ana, she uhmm... they brought her in the... Christian, I..." Hannah tried, but her words didn't make any sense to him at all.

"Hannah, if you don't tell me now..." Christian warned." Please"

"OK... OK" Hannah replied, knowing that he meant it. She took in deep breaths, and explained." She, she… is in surgery now. They, they have tor…tortured her so badly that the…there is a possibility she wo…won't be able to… to make it, Christian..."

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 **... Six weeks later ...**

The first thing that Ana felt when she woke up, was the heat of the sun on her skin. She had trouble breathing; it hurt if she tried to do so. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and white was all she saw...

Where was she?!

Ana realized then that she was lying in a hospital bed. The slightest movement from her, made her whole body scream from pain.

"Damn it!" she cursed, and scanned her surroundings with her eyes once more.

Every muscle in her body ached tremendously. She tried to remember how she ended up here, but her memory was failing her. As her eyes fluttered shut, she tried hard to remember.

Ana slowly sat up, and wondered where the nurse was. Leaning on her pillow, she tried to see if her phone or bag was near. But Ana was unable to find those objects.

Her head was pounding, feeling as if it was about to explode! With all the energy she had left, Ana brought both her hands to her temples, rubbing them with her fingers.

Yes... that simple act made her headache go away a bit. As a sigh escaped her pale lips, she observed her surroundings again. She wanted to get up so badly, but wasn't able to. She tried to move her legs, but they weren't cooperating... Stubborn legs!

It was then, when Ana saw Hannah walk into the hospital room. She had tears in her eyes and practically ran towards her best friend. Wrapping her arms around Ana, she began to cry.

"Oh my God. You… you scared me to death, An... Ana." She sobbed into her chest.

Relieved, Ana held her bestie tightly. She didn't know what had happened though. How did she end up in the hospital all banged up?!

Was it a car accident? Or did something happen to her in the line of duty? Was she the only one hurt? Ana didn't know, so after observing Hannah and noticed that she wasn't hurt, she felt a relief feeling wash over her.

Then she thought about her friend and partner. Sawyer.

"Hannah, where's Sawyer?" she asked, her voice trembling heavily, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Oh, yes. He had to do something first, sweetie. But he assured me that he's on the way." Hannah replied, while still holding tightly. "Don't worry."

Then Ana asked Hannah what had happened to her, but she was deliberately avoiding her burning question.

Instead, Hannah talked about other stuff... about her job, what Ana wanted to have for lunch, etc. At one point Ana got very impatient, and really had enough of all the small talk.

"Hannah, if you don't tell me what happened to me. I'm going to scream." She demanded." And why? Why can't I remember how I got hurt this badly?"

But it was then, when Sawyer walked in. Ana was so happy to see him, and once again she got wrapped up in another person's arms.

"Easy, Luke... My whole body hurts like hell." She remarked." Man, I never knew you cared so much."

"I never knew you were a porcelain doll." he countered, making Ana and Hannah chuckle.

Yes, the usual banter between the two colleagues.

After he pulled back from their hug, Sawyer observed Ana from head to toe." How are you doing, partner?"

"Uhmmm, well, I do feel like I was hit by a bus." She joked." No, seriously... everything hurts. Tell me, please? What happened to me?"

Ana was looking at Sawyer with pleading eyes... She needed to know.

Sawyer instantly threw a glance at Hannah. However, neither one of them answered the question.

Ana gritted her teeth out of annoyance and insisted. "I mean it, you guys. Tell me now!"

In response, Hannah clapped her hands and said." I've brought something for you."

Ana took a pillow and threw it at her best friend. "I don't fucking want it, Hannah! What I want is to know what happened to me. Please..." She begged, her eyes teary.

However, Hannah was determined to give Ana what she brought for her. She took something from her pocket and gave it to Ana. It was her phone.

Ana furrowed her brows, but then Hannah explained to her that someone special had left her a voice message.

"Here you go, honey... listen to it with the earpiece." Hannah suggested." The message is intended for you only.

With trembling fingers, she played the voice mail.

It was Christian's voice!

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 ** _Hey, sweetie._**

 ** _How are you doing? I miss you so much and wished that I could be there to see you in person. How many nights have I laid awake in bed, thinking of you. Don't worry, I have been watching over Hannah like you asked me to. Nobody is stalking her._**

 ** _And yes, Sawyer and I have been getting along. Nope! Let's just say, we are behaving and haven't fought since you were hurt._**

 ** _I really, really miss you sweetie. Get well soon, okay? I've been visiting you these past six weeks... I needed to see your face._**

 ** _I'm so sorry that I can't be with you. Right now I'm about to board my private plane. I'll be gone for a week, because of Mia's health._**

 ** _She's not doing so well, so that's why we are seeking help abroad. We have an appointment with this doctor... well he's known to be a miracle worker._**

 ** _That's the reason why I'm not with you right now. Please know that everything will be OK. I can't wait to wrap my arms around you again, sweetie._**

 ** _And one more thing… before you forget: I love you, Ana._**

 ** _** End of voice mail **_**

While Ana listened to the voice mail, her eyes automatically filled with tears and when she was done, she was sobbing like a baby.

Her whole body shook from her sobs, so Hannah grabbed both her hands. As loud sobs escaped Ana's lips, Hannah lovingly ran a hand through her dark, chestnut-colored hair, attempting to soothe her.

After a little while, Ana had calmed down a bit. "I need to call him, guys..."

"OK, we can try, sweetie... But there's a chance you won't be able to reach him." Hannah answered.

Ana's eyes began to water again. She felt so helpless and that was something she hated!

"I haven't seen him for six weeks?! Hannah, I wanna try calling him." Ana insisted, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"OK, we'll try."

Ana was just about to push the speed dial button, when at that very moment, her doctor stepped inside the hospital room.

The moment Ana saw him, her mind instantly was being plagued by images… very horrible images, making her want to throw up.

She immediately panicked, her breathing becoming shallow. Hannah and Sawyer both noticed that Ana was having a panic attack, so they both tried to calm her down.

However, in Ana's mind she wasn't here, but in a hell hole, the images in her head too much for her heart and brains to take.

She suddenly remembered being locked up and someone was doing something to her. In her memory, she was screaming from pain! At one point it was like she could feel the pain all over again… and then she snapped!

In her hospital room, Ana began to scream her lungs out. Hannah and Sawyer watched in horror, unable to do anything; they were powerless. The moment the doctor or Hannah tried to get close, Ana began to scream and cry even louder than before. While tears rolled down her cheeks, Hannah held onto Sawyer.

"Doctor, help her please?!" she pleaded.

It was then, when another doctor and two nurses came rushing in.

Ana was absolutely hysterical! It took two doctors and two nurses to finally sedate her.

Not long after, Ana's eyes fluttered shut and she was quiet.

"She's going to sleep it off." Her doctor said with a worried look on his face.

Hannah and Sawyer were pretty shaken up and weren't able to say anything.

"What did you do, you guys? Did you tell her what happened to her?" Ana's doctor accused, while giving the duo an angry look. "I specifically told you not to tell Miss Steele yet what happened. She needs professional help!"

In response, Hannah shook her head furiously and whispered. "We… we didn't tell her, doctor. Ana... uhmmm, she... she remembered!"

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 **Note: Thank you so much for reading my work, you all! :)**

 **Leave me a comment short or long? ;)**

 **Until August! ;)**


	2. You don't have to be afraid

Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG or these amazing characters.

* * *

 **Note: For the ones who are reading 'When did I become so numb?', I'm sorry for the**

 **delay. I am busy finishing the story though. It's just that the last part is kicking my ass. So sorry.**

 **But there's good news: I'm almost there. Bear with me? Please?**

 **And now: On to chapter 2!**

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 **Chapter 2**

 **You don't have to be afraid**

xxx [[[]]] xxx

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 _"I specifically told you not to tell Miss Steele yet what happened. She needs professional help!"_

 _In response, Hannah shook her head furiously and whispered. "We… we didn't tell her, doctor. Ana... uhmmm, she... she remembered!"_

 _._

 _._

 **… Five days later …**

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It was around 7 in the evening, when Christian walked out the front door of the mansion, and then took a seat in the limo.

"Where to, Sir?" Taylor asked, while looking at him through the rear view mirror.

"The hospital." He replied, and let out a deep breath.

Even though he and Mia returned home earlier than planned, Christian still hadn't had the chance to visit Ana.

That pained him, but he didn't like leaving Mia at home without someone watching her. He trusted _only_ Elliot and his parents with looking after his little sister.

Nobody else.

However, when Elliot hadn't shown up as planned, Gail assured Christian that she'd be watching his sister and that Mia was in good hands with her.

 ** _"Don't worry, Mr. Grey… I'll take care of Miss Mia." Gail insisted." Go to Miss Ana now. She needs you…"_**

 ** _At first Christian protested, and wanted to wait for Elliot. However, his big brother's flight got delayed and he had called Christian telling him that he'd arrive in Seattle the next day._**

 ** _"I can wait one more day." Christian tried to convince himself and Gail, but of course she didn't believe him._**

 ** _"Sir, no you can't." Gail stated, and smiled." I'll take very good care of Miss Mia, I promise. Go now, please…"_**

Well, it was then when Christian caved.

Gail was absolutely right. He couldn't wait any longer. Right now he wanted to be with Ana. After what she had been through, Christian wanted nothing more than to be there for his Ana… He longed for her and desperately needed to be near her.

When Christian found out about Mia's illness, he had been heartbroken. And Ana had been the one who had been there for him, since day one. She was the one who gave him strength, whenever Mia relapsed and she was the one who had picked him up, whenever he wanted to give up.

And now? Now Christian had to be there for Ana like she had been there for Mia and him.

In the voice message, he told Ana that he'd be abroad for a week. Fortunately, this particular treatment worked very well on Mia. So, after four days, the foreign doctors told Christian and Mia that she could go home. On one condition though. She had to do check-ups at least once every two weeks.

And now here he was on his way to finally see Ana...

During the drive, Christian was very anxious and impatient.

Five days apart from Ana had been hell for him. He just couldn't wait any longer.

He **_HAD_ **to see her now…

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

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… **At the hospital …**

 **.**

 **.**

Christian was impatiently waiting in the hall of the hospital for Hannah. As she came into view, he noticed how devastated she looked at the moment. She barely stood in front of him, when he fired the questions at her.

"How is she doing, Hannah? Can I see her? Does she need to stay at the hospital much longer?" he said, while grabbing her by her upper arms." Tell me everything… please?"

In response, Hannah took a deep breath, and said." Let's take a seat, Christian…"

"No, I don't want to sit down"

It took all her might to keep her emotions in check... Hannah was barely holding on.

"Sit… I need to sit down" She insisted, and attempted to move. However, his grip on her arms was tight.

"Let go of me, Christian" Hannah demanded, her voice breaking at the end.

"Sorry" he replied, and gave Hannah an apologetic look." I didn't mean to…"

"It's OK… Can you grab me a coke, please?"

Christian nodded and hastily walked over to the vending machine.

With a worried look on his face, he handed the coke over to Hannah. It was then, when he also took a seat. After she took a couple of swigs from her coke, Christian pleaded. " Tell me."

In response, Hannah scrunched her brows together and cleared her throat." Ana is doing fine. She's stable… The doctors are certain that she will make it. Physically she's doing a bit better now." She started, but it was then, when a lump got stuck in her throat.

Christian was relieved to hear that, because he knew that he could not live without Ana.

So, as he heard the wonderful news from Hannah, he let his tears flow, while his heart exploded inside his chest for his Ana. Christian was unable to contain his emotions and grabbed Hannah's hand.

"That's great news…"

Hannah nodded, and as her lips trembled, she said." Yes it is…"

They both smiled through their tears.

"She's going to be fine." Christian said, and got up from his seat. "Can I speak to her doctor? I have some questions for him."

"I'm not sure if they can, Christian." She replied." I'm not her family, but because I'm her Emergency contact, her doctors informed me about her progress."

"Don't worry about that, Hannah. Leave that to me." Christian pointed out." Uhmm… You mentioned that she's doing well… physically. Is there something else you are not telling me?"

While asking her that question, his voice trembled a bit, terrified of Hannah's answer.

In response, Hannah closed her eyes and sighed deeply." You don't miss a thing. Huh, Christian?" She stated.

"I know you, Hannah…" he replied." I had to. Ana made me."

"Yeah, I know. She forced me to get to know you too." Hannah countered." However, you're like a brick wall and never trusted me enough to let me know you more…"

"Sorry 'bout that."

At that, Hannah rolled her eyes at him. "It's fine."

"Now please tell me what's wrong, Hannah?" he pleaded.

"Okay, Christian. I will tell you, but you have to promise not to go berserk, OK?" She demanded from him.

"I promise, I won't..." He responded.

"Okay, Physically she is doing well. But mentally… mentally she isn't stable. Ana is traumatized. God only knows what they have done to her…" Hannah explained, her voice shaky, tears pooling in her eyes.

As those bone-chilling words reached his ears, Christian felt his anger rise.

However, when he saw Hannah's reaction, he got up and walked away from her. His chest was heaving dangerously and also, he felt as if his head was about to explode!

"Christian" he heard Hannah say.

In response, he turned around and noticed the tears spilling from her eyes.

"You promised that you wouldn't go berserk, Christian!" she accused, while wiping away her tears." Let me tell you something, OK. I need someone who can help me with her recovery. And Ana? She needs you! And we both know you are fucking useless, if you keep losing your cool like that! Please… try to be calm and be there for us both. Please…"

He shook his head and explained." I'm really sorry, Hannah… But they did this to her! They have scarred her for life! How will she get through this now?!"

At this point, it became too much for his heart to bear. All he wanted now was to see his beautiful Ana.

"I need to see her now, Hannah."

"You will. However, I need you to collect yourself first. OK?"

He nodded." You're right… I'm going to get some fresh air." Christian said." Give me ten, OK?"

"Of course."

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Approximately ten minutes later, Christian came back and stood in front of Hannah.

She looked up at him, and said." I'll bring you to her… let's go."

As they walked through the hall of the hospital, Christian noticed the look on Hannah's face." There's more, isn't there?" he asked.

She swallowed hard and nodded." Yes."

At this point they almost reached Ana's hospital room. She stopped in her tracks and locked eyes with him." You need to know this, before you go in. For some reason Ana is terrified of every man she comes in contact with. It seems that they trigger her memories of when she was held captive. We don't know why, but the moment she sees a man, she begins to scream from fear." Hannah explained." Physically she's better now and the doctors don't want her to be reminded of that time. Eventually she has to talk about it, but not yet. Not now; it's too soon. She should be in a familiar environment and be with people she's comfortable with. That's why the doctor gave permission for her to go home."

Christian felt his heart drop, as those heart-wrenching words reached his ears." So… does that mean that she's afraid of me also?" he asked, his own question tearing at his heart and soul.

"I'm not sure, Christian..." Hannah answered." But hey, she is constantly asking for you though. She needs you now, more than ever, more than anyone else. Please, for her. Don't freak out okay? And do not blame yourself. Just be there for her…"

Christian shook his head in disagreement." It was my f…" he began, but Hannah cut him off.

"It was not your fault! Get it through your thick head, will you?" Hannah said with pleading eyes." And now… just be there for her, please?"

In response, Christian swallowed hard and gave in. Ana's best friend sure was a feisty one! He had to agree, even if he was just pretending to do so.

It was indeed his fault!

"Well?" she said, and raised an eyebrow.

"You're right. It's not my fault." He said, trying to convince her." You're right, Hannah…"

"Good… her room is the one at the end of the hall." She told him." Go to her."

He nodded, and hastily strode towards the room Ana was in.

He was finally going to see her again. At last...

Excited, he felt his heart race like crazy! He was going to hold her in his arms again, where she belonged. He was longing for the moment, when he could feel her skin on his fingertips, while caressing her cheek. Finally will he be able to smell her scent again, and run his fingers through her gorgeous, soft locks. He ached to hear her heartbeat and feel the vibration.

The anticipation was so overwhelming, making it hard for him to breathe at one point.

And then, he was knocking on the hospital door." Can I come in, Ana? It's me..."

While his heart pounded against his ribcage, Christian waited… he waited for her to answer.

"Yes, you can…" he heard Ana say.

More than six weeks ago, he had heard the most horrific news from Hannah. But at the moment, he was here not to receive bad news, but to see Ana again.

He was anxious and slowly pushed the door. As it opened, his heart thumped wildly against his chest.

Ana…

It was really her. As their eyes met, all kinds of emotions coursed through his whole being.

Ana's eyes were teary and so was his. They threw each other meaningful glances, but it was like neither one of them could move.

Oh, he tried but his legs refused. Studying Ana, he tried to say something but he wasn't able to.

Ana's tears began to roll down her cheeks at one point.

He was finally here. _Her_ Christian was standing a few feet away… All she wanted to do, was run into his arms. But… she couldn't. She desperately wanted to, but she couldn't. She's missed him so much, but now that he was in the same room as her, she froze.

"Ana?" Christian managed to say.

He was waiting for her to come to him, because he knew that she was afraid. She was terrified… As he observed her, he noticed how she nervously bit her bottom lip and hesitated. Ana tried to breathe normally, but it seemed as if the air was too thick for her to inhale...

Why? Why was she so afraid?!

From a distance, he looked lovingly at her. "You don't have to be afraid of me, sweetie. It's just me." Christian whispered, and stretched out his right arm, offering her his hand.

However, she stayed at her spot, and swallowed hard. Ana was absolutely terrified.

Since she saw the doctor in the white coat, Ana was afraid of every man she came in contact with... her doctors, her dad, her partner Sawyer, and even Christian. It pained him, knowing that she was afraid of him. Right now Christian wanted nothing more than take revenge on the people who were responsible for his Ana being traumatized.

However, he knew he couldn't take the law into his own hands!

 ** _"Leave it to the Police, boss." Taylor had advised." Please, Sir. Her partner Sawyer is investigating the case as we speak."_**

 ** _It was hard taking Taylor's advice, and he so wanted to ignore his employee. However, Christian knew he was right._**

He was needed here... he was needed by his Ana. ( More than ever before)

As he observed her, while still standing in the doorway of Ana's hospital room, Christian wanted to close the gap between them.

The need to walk towards her and to take Ana in his arms was killing him at the moment. Fortunately, he was able to force himself to stay right where he was.

Why?

Because she had to come to him. And not the other way around. She had to make that move first.

Ana had to decide for herself, when she wanted to be close to him.

As his eyes locked onto hers, tears began to roll down her cheeks. Her heart and body wanted her to run to him and she desperately wanted to be held by Christian.

But… at the moment her head was playing tricks on her. She knew it was Christian, the man she trusted with her life. The man who had saved her more times than she could count, the man she loved like crazy. And the man who owned her heart and also, her body.

She knew all of that and remembered everything they went through together as a couple so in love.

Ana remembered how she met Christian. It was pure accidental, because she and Christian were from two whole different worlds. And yet, fate decided that she had to meet him...

She remembered all those things, but still Ana wasn't able to move towards him. Not even one single step. The urge was there; to be surrounded by his arms, his warmth. The need was obviously there. The need to lay her head on his warm chest, to inhale his manly scent, to feel his hand caressing her cheeks, and to tell him how much she missed him.

However, she was afraid.

Her mind was playing tricks on her. She knew it was Christian, but she was so consumed by those images of two men torturing her, men in white coats...

So even though her eyes saw that it was Christian, and she knew that he would never ever hurt her, she still was afraid...

As he observed Ana, Christian noticed that she was fighting an internal battle within her mind.

So, he thought very hard how he could make her see that she could trust him... That he was there to love her and not hurt her.

From his spot, he smiled and asked. "Ana, remember how Hannah and I met?"

Slowly, the corners of her lips curled upwards into a small smile, gracing that gorgeous face of hers.

Ana nodded in response. "Yes, how can I ever forget?"

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 ** _... FLASHBACK ..._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _Christian had knocked on the apartment door and was waiting impatiently for Ana to open the door. She had left him a message, saying that she had to see him. She just had closed a murder case and was exhausted._**

 ** _When she heard the knock on the front door, Ana jumped up from the couch. In a flash, she had reached the door and opened it._**

 ** _As their eyes locked onto each other, gray meeting blue, Ana's heart rate increased exponentially, her tummy doing a bit of somersaulting._**

 ** _"Hey, babe. Wanna come in?" Ana asked, and then bit her bottom lip._**

 ** _Christian nodded, and looked around." Where is your best friend?"_**

 ** _Ana gave him a seductive look and placed a hand on his upper arm." Well, she is out of town for the weekend." She replied._**

 ** _"Oh, that means you're all alone?"_**

 ** _She nodded and said." Uhum… Yes, but now that you're here I'm not alone anymore… You want to keep me company, right?"_**

 ** _"Yes, of course." He said eagerly._**

 ** _She then touched his cheek, and smiled." Do you know how sexy you are, Mr. Grey?"_**

 ** _"I've heard that before to be honest…" He said teasingly._**

" ** _Well, I don't give a damn what you've heard before, and who told you. Cause right now I'm the one who's standing in front of you." She pointed out." And also, I think you are talking too much…"_**

 ** _She then began to trail his cheek with her fingers, making him close his eyes tightly. A tornado of feelings went through him, almost making him lose control. But luckily he controlled himself. He grabbed Ana's other hand and interlaced their fingers together._**

 ** _As Ana traced his face slowly, he felt a shiver go through his spine, enjoying her touch tremendously._**

 ** _"Open your eyes, baby." She pleaded._**

 ** _And so he did and was overwhelmed by the love he felt for her. He needed to feel her lips on his again. But he wanted her to make the first move…_**

 ** _As she looked at him intensely, Christian's heart pounded against his chest. And when she placed her hand on his chest and drew invisible patterns on it, Christian finally lost control._**

 ** _He grabbed her roughly and crashed his lips onto hers. As their lips moved in a slow motion, Christian took in her oh so intoxicating scent…_**

 ** _She couldn't hold back anymore and kissed him just as hard and with so much passion, while grabbing his hair and tugging at it real hard._**

 ** _The kiss wasn't soft nor sweet. It was hard and fast, and demanding._**

 ** _At one point, he picked Ana up, so she automatically wrapped her long legs around his waist. Christian walked across the living room, and placed her on the desk._**

 ** _While he plunged his tongue inside her warm mouth, Ana tore at his button down shirt._**

" ** _Want you now…" she said in between kisses, and moaned loudly when he squeezed her through her bra._**

 ** _At one point they were grabbing at each other, touching and caressing. Buttons flew around the room, ending up on the ground._**

 ** _"Ana." He moaned._**

 ** _"Yes" she said in between kisses. She was making sweet soft noises that was driving him crazy!_**

 ** _"We need to slow down." he said._**

 ** _"You are right" she said, but didn't stop with their 'activities'._**

 ** _"I want you so bad, Christian…" She whispered._**

 ** _"Ana, I think someone is at the door." He moaned, while squeezing her bottom._**

 ** _"It's probably just my neighbor. We'll ignore him." she answered. So he just let it go and went on touching her everywhere on her body._**

 ** _Not long after that, they both heard someone gasp out loud._**

 ** _"Oh my God!" Christian heard Hannah shout._**

 ** _It was then, when they both let each other go and turned around. Hannah was watching them, her mouth open and her eyes almost popping out. Ana immediately buttoned her shirt up and Christian desperately searched for his buttons on the ground. They were both blushing out of embarrassment, making Hannah grin from ear to ear._**

 ** _She giggled and said. "I knew it!"_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

… **_End of FLASHBACK …_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

At this point, they both burst out into laughter.

"Hannah was supposed to go to Los Angeles to meet up with some friends for the weekend, but they cancelled at the last minute." Ana said, while a smile graced her face.

"I heard her, when she was at the front door. But we were literally wrapped around each other… that's why I didn't notice that she walked into the apartment." He remarked.

She was still smiling, thinking about that evening. After a little while, she asked. "Christian, is it okay for me to sit right here for a while? I would like to talk some more with you."

"Of course, sweetie. No problem. I'm right here, whenever you need me." he said, and gave her a very loving look.

He then grabbed a chair and closed the hospital door.

Christian took a seat, but kept his distance, afraid to scare Ana off. She needed space and he understood. He knew that one day they should talk about what happened to her, but today was not that day yet. It didn't matter if he had to wait for her. The important thing is that he was here for her now, waiting till she was ready to make the first step towards him.

.

.

.

Ana and Christian had been talking for hours. At one point, he sat on the other side of the room, near the window, while she laid on her side on the bed, facing him. They were laughing at some of the crazy things they had done together. Some things gave her shivers and some things made her teary, but she was glad that he hadn't forgotten any of it.

"Ana, if you are sleepy then I will go. Get some rest, sweetie." He said softly, a small smile gracing his handsome face.

She immediately sat up and shook her head." No, no… I don't want to sleep. I… I get , uhumm..." she began, but couldn't continue.

He looked at her, his heart aching tremendously. He wanted to take her in his arms so badly, but he was terrified that she would pull away from fear. She looked so vulnerable at the moment, her eyes welling up and her face suddenly drained of any color.

Ana already had her hand up, wanting to reach out to him, but instead, she lowered her head and let her tears flow.

With all the strength he had, while his heart ached, Christian stood up but stayed at his spot. "What is it, baby? What happens when you sleep? Tell me, please?" he pleaded." You can trust me."

She sniffled and grabbed her pillow. "I… I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Seeing her like this, broke his heart into pieces. She looked so lost and very afraid. He wasn't used to seeing her like this. Ana used to be a tough Police detective, but after they tortured her, she was the opposite. His anger almost got the best of him, and he almost lost it. However, he thought about what he promised Hannah, and pulled himself together.

Ana needed him more than ever.

As a sigh escaped his lips, Christian kept watching Ana, wanting to hug and comfort her. "Do you have nightmares when you are asleep? Is that it, sweetie?"

Ana looked him straight in the eyes and shouted. "I don't want to talk about it!"

Right after, she broke down and cried. He couldn't take it anymore, so he took two steps towards her. But the moment she realized that he was that close to her, Ana felt a panic attack coming up.

All of a sudden, Ana lost her grip on reality… in her mind, she wasn't in the hospital room anymore!

And Christian was **not** the one who was standing there… in her mind, Ana went back to that hell hole, where those three men were torturing her…

"Don't… don't come near me! What… what are you going to do with me?!" she cried." Please, stop! Stop, please! Stop it!"

* * *

 _ **Note: Thank you so much for reading my work and reviewing, you all.**_ _ **You are awesome.**_

 _ **So... what do you all think?**_

 ** _Can you take a moment of your precious time to leave me a review?_**

 ** _Till the next one,_**

 ** _xoxo_**

 ** _J_**


	3. I have all the time in the world

Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG or these amazing characters.

* * *

 **Important note:**

 ** _I want to remind you all that this story is set in an_** ** _alternate universe. (A/U)_**

 ** _So, please do not compare my story to the trilogy. OK?_**

 ** _On to chapter 3!_**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 **I have all the time in the world**

xxx [[[]]] xxx

.

* * *

 _All of a sudden, Ana lost her grip on reality… in her mind, she wasn't in the hospital room anymore!_

 _And Christian was_ ** _not_** _the one who was standing there… in her mind, Ana went back to that hell hole, where those three men were torturing her…_

 _"Don't… don't come near me! What… what are you going to do with me?!" she cried." Please, stop! Stop, please! Stop it!"_

At one point Ana was curled into a ball, and she sobbed aloud.

Seeing her like that tore at Christian's heart and soul, and he panicked for one second.

What must he do?!

Should he comfort her? Should he call the doctor? He wasn't sure.

"Ana, baby? Do you want me to hold you?"

She shook her head and kept crying." Don't hurt me! Please don't."

It was then, when Christian took in deep breaths and ordered himself to calm down.

He immediately stopped in his tracks, and realized Ana wasn't ready yet to have him that close to her. That's why he took those steps back and stood at his former spot near the window. So, this was what Hannah meant, when she said that Ana was physically better, but mentally she was unstable.

"Hey, sweetie. I'm not going to do anything to you, okay? And I'm at my former spot again, not close from you okay?" he said, his voice trembling, while tears pooled in his eyes.

At one point she calmed down a bit, her chest was still heaving, her body trembling slightly.

'I have all the time in the world, my Ana… I'll be waiting for you, even if it takes forever.' Were the words that swirled around his head, as he observed the love of his life.

.

.

.

Approximately half an hour later, Ana felt at ease again. Gradually, she had grip of her situation and realized what had occurred. Christian's action really scared her. When she finally felt at ease again, she looked over at Christian.

He smiled at her… a sad smile, but it was a smile. He also had a worried look on his face.

"Hey." Christian said, and gave her a loving look.

"Hey." Ana replied, and sat up straight on the hospital bed.

She knew that he'd never hurt her. But at the time, she had been so afraid and wasn't able to tell the difference between reality and the images that were plaguing her in her mind.

Ana didn't understand it herself, but she truly was afraid of everyone. Even her loved ones. And that was absolutely terrifying!

He was the one she trusted with her life… so why would she be afraid of him?

Ana really didn't know.

As her heart rate and breathing got normal, she gave him a loving look." I don't know why I'm afraid of…" she said, but he cut her off gently.

"It's OK, Ana… I know you need time to heal." He told her." I'll be waiting patiently for you."

Christian watched her and thought about Hannah's words. She had told him that after Ana's first panic attack at the hospital, she was afraid whenever someone touched her. Even Hannah and Sawyer wouldn't touch her, because they were afraid of how Ana would react to it.

She looked so lost at the moment, and he knew that Ana was battling the demons in her head. She needed a distraction, he assumed.

So, Christian thought it would be a good idea to remind Ana of the first time they had movie night, just the two of them without anyone disturbing.

"Ana, sweetie. Remember our very first movie night, just the two of us?" he asked, his eyes teary.

She immediately looked him in the eyes and nodded." Yes, of course I do…"

.

.

.

 ** _*FLASHBACK*_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 _It was around 11 in the evening. She and Sawyer had just wrapped up a murder case. Ana had dropped Sawyer off at his apartment and just as he was about to walk into the building, he turned around._

 _"So, Steele. You know that, uhum… that I'm not totally against you seeing Christian…" he began._

 _"I am not seeing Christian." she cut him off._

 _Sawyer laughed aloud and said. "You can pretend all you want, okay? But I know that you are in love with him. Tell him, please. You two are driving me nuts!"_

 _"Shhhh, not so loud! You want the whole world to find out about him and me being together, when in reality we are not?" Ana scolded her partner._

 _In response, Sawyer looked around and all of a sudden had a wicked smirk on his handsome face." What is it, Steele? What did you say? You LOVE Christian Grey?" he said loudly._

 _He did it on purpose, because there were people around._

" _Shut up!" Ana hissed and placed a hand over his mouth." Luke!"_

 _At that moment, Ana felt so embarrassed. While hiding her face in her hands, she wished that the earth would open up and swallow her whole. She could strangle Luke!_

 _Aaaarghh! But fortunately Ana was able to control herself and instead of strangling her partner and friend, she jumped into her car and started it._

" _Just tell him already." Luke said, and winked at her._

" _Shut up." Ana replied, and stepped on the gas pedal._

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 _… Approximately one hour later …_

 _Ana was at home, walking around in her pajamas, when she heard a soft knock on her door._

 _"Who can it be? It is almost midnight." she muttered, as she reluctantly walked to her front door._

 _Ana swung the door open and saw Christian standing in his fancy clothes with a bottle of red wine in his hand._

 _"Christian! Do you know what time it is?" she scolded._

 _"I know and I apologize, but I can't sleep and I wanted to drink this expensive red wine. But just as I was about to, I thought of you. I know that you love red wine and… well, that's why I'm here at your doorstep." Christian explained, looking at her with a genuine smile on his face._

 _Ana rolled her eyes at him, making him burst out into laughter. "OK, come in Mr. Christian Grey. And just so you know, I'm only letting you in, because you have that bottle of delicious red wine." She responded._

 _"I knew that you wouldn't be able to resist." He countered, as he followed Ana inside._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _… Ten minutes later …_

 _Ana was in her living room sitting next to Christian on the couch, drinking the red wine he brought for her._

 _"Hmmmm. This wine is really good." She uttered._

 _He smiled, as he watched her enjoy the glass of wine._

 _"I know, right?" he replied, while turning his head to the TV._

 _While Christian watched the movie with Ana, he couldn't help but smile during the whole movie. The reason; well, Ana was wearing pajamas with sunflowers and kittens printed on them- a lot of them._

 _In his opinion, Ana looked really cute in them._

 _"Go get him, Cameron Poe!" Ana suddenly shouted, making Christian shake his head._

 _She was really into the movie." You like this movie, don't ya?" he asked._

 _Ana nodded, while placing a hand on his upper arm, her eyes still plastered on the TV screen." Shhhh…. "She uttered." Be quiet. This is the best part."_

 _It was no use attempting to have a conversation with her now, so Christian decided to let it go. As he sat next to Ana on her couch, Christian felt a sudden calmness taking over him. He felt very comfortable being next to her and it felt so different compared to sitting on his own large couch at the mansion. Christian felt at home being with Ana in her apartment…_

 _At one point, he asked Ana to keep it down. She was shouting at the TV again, because the villain was getting away._

 _"Oh, sorry, Christian." She said, her eyes still locked on the TV screen._

 _"Hey, thank you for tonight. You and your partner really went out of your way to catch the perpetrator." Ana heard him say._

 _In response, she tore her eyes from the TV and smiled at him. "Any time, Christian… Any time."_

 _He took a swig from his glass and grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly." I wanna tell you someth…" he began, but Ana cut him off._

 _"And will you shut up now? I wanna watch the ending." Ana said, making him chuckle loudly._

 _"Of course… I can wait, Ana." He replied." I've all the time in the world."_

 _As they continued watching the movie, Christian wondered how come it was so easy for her to make him smile and laugh. Guess he will find that out in time..._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _... Some time later ..._

 _._

 _._

 _Ana wanted to watch a second movie, so they did. But half way through it, Christian felt that she was slowly leaning onto him. At some point her head fully rested on his upper arm. He turned his head and saw that her eyes were closed. She had fallen asleep and was snoring lightly. He chuckled softly; she must be exhausted! He moved, so she could sleep on the couch. He carefully laid her down and walked to her bed room to grab a blanket._

 _But when he returned, he saw that both her feet were dangling off the couch. He shook his head… the couch was clearly too small for her to sleep on. He then decided that it would be better, if she slept in her own bed. If she would sleep in that uncomfortable position for the rest of the night, her muscles were going to ache the next morning._

 _Christian wanted to prevent that, so without thinking, he took her in his arms and carried her towards her bedroom. As she peacefully slept, while lying in his arms, a strange and unfamiliar feeling stirred inside of him. She was so beautiful and her body felt so warm against his own._

 _As he laid her on the bed, Christian watched this beauty. He then covered her with a blanket, because her room was a bit chilly. He didn't know why, but Christian decided to stay for a little while. He sat on her bed and brushed a silky lock from her face. Her hair felt so soft on his fingertips._

 _And as he observed this kind and gorgeous woman, Christian felt his heart flutter inside his chest. Why was she so remarkable? Well, he didnt know..._

 _Christian watched her and smiled, thinking of the pajamas that Ana was wearing._

 _"Sunflowers and kittens…" He whispered and kissed her gently on the forehead._

 _He didn't know why, but that action felt so natural to him, so he didn't even dwell on it…_

 _A few minutes later, Christian decided to leave, because he was tired too. He looked one last time at Ana and walked out the bedroom. As he locked the front door behind him, he whistled the theme song of the first movie they watched._

 _'How do I live without you.'_

 _Christian had left a message on her coffee table, before he left. It was a simple note, just four words, but to him it held so much promise._

 _'See you tomorrow, Ana…'_

.

.

.

 ** _*END of FLASHBACK*_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

She began to giggle softly." I'm really annoying when I watch movies, huh?" She said.

He laughed too." Yes. You're always making people shut up." He said." Remember when you invited Sawyer? He asked a billion questions about the movie."

She began to giggle a bit louder and responded. "Yeah, I had already kicked him out the apartment, but then Hannah pleaded so I would invite him back in."

Christian shook his head." I remember the look on his face, when you finally allowed him to come back. So hilarious!"

Ana smiled, and let out a deep breath." On our first movie night, do you know that Luke basically told me to confess my love to you?"

Christian raised an eyebrow in response." Seriously?" he said." I didn't know."

"Yes, so you can imagine my surprise, when an hour later you stood on my doorstep, offering me something I would never decline." She said, a small smile gracing her face.

"I love it, when you smile." He confessed, while giving Ana a loving look.

Ana sighed deeply and whispered. "Talking to you makes me feel good. Do you mind if I take a nap? But please stay?"

He lovingly looked at her." For you? Everything, my sweet Ana." Christian said." Try and go to sleep, okay? I am here. You are safe, don't you worry about a thing."

Although Ana was terrified to sleep, she slowly drifted off. And with Christian's handsome face on her mind, she finally went to dreamland.

* * *

 **Note: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.**

 **You are awesome, you all.**

 **Till the next one,**

 **J**


	4. I have something to tell you, Christian

**Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG or these amazing characters.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 **I have something to tell you, Christian**

xxx [[[]]] xxx

.

* * *

Approximately two hours later, Ana was in a very deep slumber. Christian quietly got up from his spot near the window and contemplated what to do. After a few moments, he decided to go near her. He knew he was taking a huge risk, and he knew how she was going to react if she woke up.

However, he was willing to take the risk. Why?

Because he wanted, and desperately needed to be near her─ as close as he could.

Afraid to even breathe, Christian took those steps towards her. She was lying on her back, the covers lying next to her instead of over her. With a smile on his face, he pulled the covers over her whole body, except her face.

She looked so peaceful when asleep…

A huge lump formed in his throat, as he lovingly looked at her gorgeous, shiny locks that were framing her beautiful face, and her lips were tempting as always. He couldn't believe that people were capable of hurting such a wonderful, amazing woman.

She had done nothing wrong, she just did her job! Why would they hurt her?!

As a tear escaped his eye, Christian thought back on that day.

He could've prevented it... Hannah was wrong! It is **his** fault!

What happened to Ana, shouldn't have happened at all… he should've helped her!

While Christian brushed a lock from her face, his feelings got the best of him. He knew that he shouldn't be doing what he was about to do, that it was a huge risk, but he couldn't help himself. Admiring her beauty, he caressed her face softly. His hand softly trailed her left cheek, gently feeling the warm, soft skin there. The moment his fingers went from his cheek and ended up on her plump lips, his body began to shudder slightly. The feel of her lips on his fingertips released all kinds of emotions within him.

Suddenly he had trouble breathing…

'I should've run faster... I should've protected her from harm.' He thought, as tears rolled down his cheeks.

.

.

.

… **_FLASHBACK …_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _Christian woke up, feeling like he was on cloud 9! His eyes fluttered open, and the first thing he noticed and felt was her…_**

 ** _As his eyes caught Ana's frame, his heart instantly swelled gloriously! Nothing in this world looked more beautiful than the sight before him right now._**

 ** _Ana… his Ana._**

 ** _She was lying next to him, her warm body deliciously wrapped around his own. Christian wanted to get up, ooh he did! But she felt so good against him, her body was so beautiful. He shifted, so he could spoon her, his nose landing in her hair at the back of her head. One of his arms was supporting her neck, the other wrapped loosely around her tiny waist, their legs intertwined together._**

 ** _He wanted this wonderful feeling to last. He really did. And he wanted to stay with her like this forever._**

 ** _Oh, what a feeling..._**

 ** _Ana was still asleep, but all of a sudden she placed a hand on top of his, squeezing him lightly._**

 ** _Heat spread towards his cheeks, as he thought of what had happened the night before._**

 ** _She was absolutely incredible… this woman._**

 ** _Inside and out she was a beautiful person. He had been worshipping her body the whole night… and he so wanted to do that over and over again._**

 ** _However, it was time for him to start a new day. He had to get ready for work. Fuck… should he just call in sick?_**

 ** _He was the boss after all?_**

 ** _As a sigh escaped his lips, Christian grabbed her hand and kissed it lovingly. It was such a relief to know that she loved and desired him as much as he did her... Never in a million years he would've thought that such a wonderful, feisty young woman would fall for him like this._**

 ** _Christian reveled at the memory of touching her gently, handling her as if she were made of something pretty incredible. Something he never wanted to break._**

 ** _He then moved a bit, so his nose was nuzzling her neck. While stretching against her, he pulled Ana even closer towards him, enjoying the feel of her warm body against his own…_**

 ** _After a few moments though, Christian felt Ana move and heard her sighing deeply._**

 ** _She was awake… His angel was finally awake!_**

 ** _With a smile on his face, he gripped her even tighter and then lovingly moved her hair out of the way. While placing feather light kisses on the back of her neck, he paused to whisper to her. " Good morning, sweetie."_**

 ** _And after, he went further with his 'activities'._**

 ** _She giggled and whispered. "Good morning, Christian..."_**

 ** _He so wanted to worship her body right now. However, they both had to go to work._**

 ** _"Do you want me to let you go?" he breathed into her ear, his hot breath fanning over the sensitive spot there._**

 ** _"No, no." Ana admitted." I want to stay with you like this forever."_**

 ** _That answer made him happy, so he went on caressing and kissing her soft skin further. But then she groaned aloud._**

 ** _"What is it, sweetie?" Christian asked._**

 ** _Ana shifted a bit and turned around to face him. "I don't… I really don't want to leave this bed…" she began._**

 ** _"But you really have to go, right?" he finished the sentence for her._**

 ** _Ana sat up, and grabbed his face with both hands. She looked him deep in the eyes, and said. "I will see you tonight, okay?"_**

 ** _He smiled and nodded."Uhum, of course… I can't wait." He responded._**

 ** _Then Ana closed the little gap between them and kissed him softly on the lips." Love you." She confessed, and got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower._**

 ** _Christian also got up and decided to get her stuff ready. He didn't know much about women's clothing, so he decided to leave that for her. In these past months that they have been seeing each other, she had moved some of her clothes and stuff into his house._**

 ** _As his eyes landed on her gun that was lying on the floor, the corners of his mouth curled upwards into a smirk. He couldn't help but think back on the wild night they both had shared…_**

 ** _He grabbed the gun, and carefully placed it on the table for her. Yup, safety of the gun was on._**

 ** _Christian found her badge under the bed and wondered how the hell it ended up there. He picked it up and placed it on the table too._**

 ** _'I guess we were so wrapped up around each other that we didn't care where our clothes and other stuff ended up.' He thought, while smirking deviously._**

 ** _Ana's clothes were scattered on the floor, and so were his. After he picked up her hair pin, Christian decided to take a shower too._**

" ** _What a start to my day." Were the words that tumbled from his lips, while stepping into the large bathroom._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _After Ana had taken a shower and got dressed, she took a bite of her croissant and drank her coffee. After his shower, Christian had asked Gail to bring them breakfast._**

 ** _"Okay, Christian… I'll see you tonight." She said and gave him a peck on the lips._**

 ** _However, he wasn't satisfied with it and grabbed her face._**

" ** _What is it?" she asked, while looking at him._**

" ** _I just wanna do this." He replied, and captured her lips with his own._**

 ** _Christian kissed her so passionately and deeply, making her knees turn into jelly._**

 ** _Ana moaned into his mouth and molded her body onto his._**

 ** _At one point they had to breathe, so he reluctantly broke the kiss. Ana's chest was heaving, her face flushed, and her hair pin was hanging loosely from her hair._**

" ** _You bad boy." She accused, and hit him playfully on his chest._**

 ** _He winked at her, and kissed the tip of her nose." See you tonight, Ana… love you."_**

 ** _"See you tonight."_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 **… Hours later …**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 ** _It was around 7 in the evening, when Christian left his building and stepped into the limo. Ana had called him earlier at work and told him that she had to tell him something very important._**

" ** _Let's meet at our favorite diner." She had said through the phone._**

 ** _Christian smiled and had asked why._**

" ** _It's a surprise… come on. Just do it." Ana insisted." I have something amazing to tell you, Christian."_**

 ** _And so, he agreed. He then told Taylor to give him some privacy. His security detail wasn't happy about it, but he had no choice and did what Christian asked of him._**

" ** _I'll be right outside, Mr. Grey." He told him." I won't be far. If you need me, just call."_**

 ** _When they arrived at their destination, Christian straightened his suit jacket and stepped out of the limo._**

 ** _As he walked towards the diner, he saw Ana across the street. She waved at him, and he noticed just then that she looked a bit different… Ana was absolutely glowing! While in awe by her appearance, Christian walked further, wanting to close the gap between them and kiss her senselessly._**

 ** _They were both smiling, and God he was so happy!_**

 ** _Ana was just about to cross the street, when all of a sudden he heard a screeching of tires! It went by so fast! Right before his very eyes, Christian noticed three men jumping out of a van! They were wearing ski masks, and one of them pointed a gun at Ana!_**

 ** _They grabbed her, but she put up a fight._**

" ** _Fucking assholes! Let me go!" he heard her say._**

 ** _Without hesitation, Christian ran and crossed the street without thinking of his own safety! He almost got hit by a car, but he pushed forward. Ana was being dragged into the blue van by those men, and just as he was about to reach them, they drove away with screeching tires, leaving Christian devastated behind._**

" ** _Sir! Mr. Grey!" he heard Taylor shout._**

 ** _Christian looked at his bodyguard and said." Follow them!"_**

 ** _He jumped inside the limo, and as Taylor stepped onto the gas, Christian immediately called Sawyer._**

" ** _I need your help, now… Ana has been kidnapped."_**

 ** _After hanging up the phone, Christian felt as if his whole world was crumbling around him…_**

" ** _We will find her, Sir… we will!" Taylor told him._**

 ** _However, Christian didn't hear those words. Instead, he said. " I should've stopped them, I… I should've protected her, but… but I failed… it's my fault they took her…"_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

… **_End of FLASHBACK …_**

 ** _._**

 ** _._**

Christian was suddenly taken out of his thoughts by Ana. She still had her eyes closed, she was still asleep. However, she was crying and screaming in her sleep!

"No! No! Don't come near me! Don't touch me!" she cried hysterically.

His heart ached for her… it hurt so much to see her like this. That's the reason why she doesn't want to sleep…she **does** get nightmares.

With a huge lump in his throat, Christian walked back to his former spot near the window.

From there, he said softly. "Ana, wake up. Wake up, please. Wake up, my love…"

He wanted, he desperately **wanted** to hold her in his arms. But he was afraid that touching Ana would only make the situation worse for her… So, from his spot he kept asking her to wake up.

At one point, she finally did. Ana woke up with a start in a sitting position, and gasped aloud. Tears were spilling from her beautiful, blue eyes and she instantly locked her eyes onto his.

As their eyes met, Christian's heart sank inside his chest…

He so wished that she would allow him to get close to her.

Ana's whole body trembled, her chest heaving. She slowly reached out to him, and said." Christian, I... uhmm… I nee… need you..."

Not so long ago, he had been so afraid to get even close to her. However, when she said those words, all his fears evaporated into thin air. Christian closed the gap between them and held her tightly. Ana felt so safe at the moment and let it all out.

After a long while, her sobs subsided and eventually came to a stop. Ana looked up, but still held onto him tightly.

"Christian... I don't want to sleep alone." She said, while looking him with pleading eyes.

He smiled and wiped her tears away." I'm here, Ana... Don't you worry about a thing."

Relieved, Ana placed her face in the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent. God! She missed him oh so much.

Ana loved the smell of his aftershave... she just loved this man so much.

All of a sudden a flash went through her head. When those awful men were torturing her, she barely held on. It would've been so easy to give up...

And she almost did! Ana almost gave in and almost had given those thugs the information that they wanted to extract from her.

However, Ana kept holding on... She held on for Christian... she held on for herself, because she had to.

She had to survive... She just had to.

* * *

 **Note: Thank you for reading and reviewing. :)**

 **So, what did Ana wanted to tell him, before those men took her?**


	5. I can't let you do this all by yourself

**Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG or these amazing characters.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 **I can't let you do this all by yourself**

xxx [[[]]] xxx

.

* * *

 _Ana almost gave in and almost had given those thugs the information that they wanted to extract from her._

 _However, Ana kept holding on... She held on for Christian... she held on for herself, because she had to._

 _She had to survive... She just had to._

While being held by Christian, Ana sobbed her eyes out.

"You're going to be OK… We're going to be fine, you and I" he promised, and held her even tighter.

In response Ana inhaled his scent, and held onto him for dear life.

At last... She finally felt at ease and never felt safer...

Ana had experienced a lot in her life. Since she was thirteen, she had to take care of herself, because her mom had abandoned them. When Carla left them, Ana's father had been a complete mess. So instead of him taking care of his daughter, Ana had been the one who had taken care of Ray. Every time he fell off the wagon, Ana had been the one to pick up the pieces and put them back together.

At a young age she had learned that life was very hard. And that's why she never depended on others… That's the reason why it was extremely difficult for her to let Christian into her heart.

She wasn't used to people wanting to be there for her… wanting to take care of her and make her day brighter and better. In the beginning of their relationship, Ana made it clear that she was able to take care of herself and that she didn't need A MAN to do it for her.

Christian responded by telling Ana that he respected it and that he understood her. And yet, in the upcoming months that they were together, he did things, little things at first, to show Ana that even though he knew she didn't need him to do stuff for her, he did them anyway, because he believed 'actions speak louder than words'.

 ** _"You didn't have to…" Ana would say, if he had done something nice for her._**

 ** _(things like : cooking her favorite dish, or painting her bedroom in a different color, etc.)_**

 ** _"I know" he would say." But I wanted to, because you work so hard and I wanna lend you a helping hand… I know you do not have the time, Ana… just let me help, OK?"_**

 ** _Bit by bit, Ana accepted more from Christian, and at one point she let him into her heart completely. She knew at the time that it was a huge risk that she was taking, but Christian's actions have shown Ana that he truly was in love with her and that he wanted the best for her…_**

"Do you need anything, sweetie?" she all of a sudden heard Christian say, taking her out of her thoughts.

Ana shook her head in response." No" she replied, her voice muffled, because her face was still buried into his chest." I just need you to be here for me."

"Of course" he said, and pulled back from the hug.

As their eyes met, he gave her a loving look." I'll be here for you, my Ana… And don't you ever forget, I'll always have your back…"

Ana smiled through her tears, and let out a deep breath.

Yes, Christian always had her back. Just like that one time, when she had helped a family in the witness protection program.

With her help, the family was safe now.

.

.

.

 **… FLASHBACK …**

.

.

 _._

 _Ana was impatiently pacing in front of her car, and kept looking at her watch._

 _It was already 2:45 AM._

 _"Damn it! Where are they?! They're 45 minutes late!" she muttered under her breath, and groaned softly._

 _Ana grabbed her phone and pressed redial._

 _"We're here." She said and hung up the phone._

 _They were at a children's playground, waiting for the three men to arrive. Ana then walked towards the car and opened the passenger's door._

 _"Sorry, Mrs. Van Rossum. A little while longer. They're on their way." Ana told the woman who was sitting in her car._

 _"Detective Steele, can we trust them? I am terrified to be honest." The blonde woman whispered, while she gripped at Ana's arm._

 _As she observed the blonde, Ana noticed fear in her green eyes._

 _"Mrs. Van Rossum, listen to me closely. I know that you're terrified, but I promise that you can trust these FBI agents. They will bring you to safety." Ana said, very convincing, while placing a hand on the woman's shoulder._

 _The way Mrs. Rebecca Van Rossum was gripping her arm, hurt Ana a lot. However, she didn't even blink._

 _"I only trust you, Detective Steele. You're the one I trust with my life... I lost my husband in such a horrible way and I cannot lose my children too. I can't lose them, Ana! I can't!" the blonde woman shouted and broke down into sobs._

 _"Rebecca, please keep it together. I know you're scared, but you have 3 kids who depend upon you." Ana said in a calm tone, and carefully turned Rebecca's face, so she would see her three kids sleeping peacefully in the back seat." See them? Look at your precious kids. They need you more than ever, and I need you to be strong right now. I know that it's hard and that I am asking so much from you right now. But do it for them... please?"_

 _The blonde looked at her sleeping kids lovingly, and then she sighed deeply._

 _"I know you're a strong woman, Rebecca..." Ana said, and waited for her response._

 _It was then, when Rebecca Van Rossum wiped away her tears. After a few minutes, she straightened herself out and let go of Ana's arm._

 _"You're right. I did promise my husband to take care of them. And I will keep it." Rebecca vowed, her voice shaky." If you say that I can trust those agents, then I will."_

 _Ana sighed in relief, and squeezed her hand lightly._

 _"Wait here, OK?" she said." I'll call them again"_

 _In response, Mrs. Van Rossum nodded and closed the car door._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _From a distance, Christian and Taylor watched Ana. They were ready to act, if she needed assistance. She had confided in him, that's how Christian knew that she was going to meet up with the FBI agents here. Silently, he and Taylor waited and guarded over Ana and the family._

 _It hadn't been Ana's intention to tell Christian about the latest case she was working on. However, the last couple of weeks she had been on edge and acted different. Christian noticed it, and when he had asked Ana about it, she denied that something was up._

 _"You can confide in me, Ana" he told her." I can see that something is wrong... can I help?"_

 _She never brought work home to Christian, but this case really got to her. And that's why she told him about it... Ana really thought she was going to lose it, if she had kept it bottled up inside. This murder case would've messed her up for life, if she hadn't confide in Christian..._

 ** _Ana and Sawyer had been the first ones at the scene. The crime scene was a sight Ana wanted to forget, but was unable to. It was absolutely horrific!_**

 ** _She had seen murder victims before, and a lot of them. But never had she seen such a brutal murder like this…_**

 ** _The victim had been tortured to death, and some of his body parts were never recovered. Ana almost threw up at the scene, but Sawyer had been there to calm her down._**

 ** _There was blood all over the office of the murder victim, and the way the body was hanged made Ana cringe all over again…_**

 ** _The manner in which the murderer left the victim was absolutely horrific!_**

 ** _Ana had been the one to prevent Rebecca Van Rossum from seeing her dead husband in that way._**

 ** _"I have to see him!" Rebecca shouted and sobbed, but Ana told her not to._**

 ** _"You should not remember him this way, Ma'am." Ana had insisted, and led her away from the scene._**

 _She never let a murder case get to her, but this one was so different. This particular case shook her to the core..._

 _Ana felt for the family and because they had become a target too, she promised Mrs. Van Rossum that she would keep them safe._

 _During the murder investigation, Sawyer got shot by the perpetrators, and landed in the hospital for a while. During that time, Ana continued the investigation by herself and had uncovered a network of criminals. They were the ones responsible for Mr. van Rossum's brutal murder._

 _It was then, when Ana and her superiors reached out to the FBI. They informed Ana and her boss that they've been investigating those criminals for two years now, but they were unable to arrest them. What they had so far wasn't enough to build a case against those criminals in court._

 _But with Mrs. Van Rossum's testimony and the footage she had given to the Police, the FBI will be able to put away the leaders of that criminal organization behind bars for life._

 _And until then, the Van Rossum family of four, had to go into the Witness Protection Program..._

 _" Where are they?" Ana hissed, and threw a quick glance at her watch again._

 _She_ _kept pacing and watching her surroundings. Only her superior, Christian and Taylor knew that she was going to meet up with the three FBI agents here. Sawyer was still in the hospital, recovering from the gunshot wound, and Ana refused to be partnered up with another cop. Why? She just didn't trust anyone else, but her own partner._

 _That's why she was alone at the playground with the Van Rossum family._

 _At one point, Ana got very impatient._

 _"It's taking too long!" she hissed, and checked her phone once more." Damn it! Where the fuck are they?!"_

 _She was beginning to get worried and was about to grab her phone again, when she heard a noise from behind a tree. It was dark out, so she wasn't able to see a thing._

 _Her heart began to speed up. 'God! Please don't let it be them!' She prayed, while she swiftly grabbed her gun from its holster and aimed in the direction of the tree._

 _The closer she got, the faster her heart hammered against her rib cage. Ana was afraid… not for herself, but for Rebecca and the kids. She wasn't sure if she was able to protect them from…_

 _"Do you wanna give me a heart attack?" she scolded him, and let out a relieved breath, when she saw that it was Christian._

 _He and Taylor walked closer towards Ana._

 _"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Christian apologized." I just wanted to give you a sign, so that you know that Taylor and I are here for you and the family."_

 _"You shouldn't have come along, Christian… I'm sure we'll be fine…"_

 _"Of course Taylor and I should be here, Ana" Christian responded." Sawyer isn't here to have your back like usual… you do need someone, sweetie… I can't let you do this all by yourself."_

 _"Why didn't your boss send you here with back-up, Miss Steele?" Taylor asked._

 _"He insisted on it, but I refused." Ana replied." We aren't dealing with a regular murder case here, Taylor… we're dealing with organized crime. There are only two people from the Police force that I trust with Rebecca and the kids."_

 _"Sawyer and yourself." Christian pointed out._

 _"Exactly." Ana replied without hesitation." Nobody else."_

 _"Well, that's why Taylor and I are here... to assist you." Christian pointed out._

 _In response, she gave him a small smile. She would never admit it, but Ana was truly thankful that Christian was here._

 _"I want to …" she began, but was cut off by a noise._

 _As she turned around, Ana saw three black SUV's driving towards her car._

 _"They have arrived. See you in 15." Ana said and walked away._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Approximately ten minutes later, Ana hugged the kids and Mrs. Van Rossum._

 _"Be safe." Ana said, as her throat closed up, and tears pooled in her eyes._

 _With all her might, she fought the tears that were about to escape her eyes. The kids were all crying, while Rebecca smiled through her tears. With one last look, Ana closed the passenger's door and walked to the front._

 _"Take good care of them, please." Ana said to the FBI agent, and looked at him with pleading eyes._

 _"Don't worry, Detective Steele. We'll keep them safe." The blond FBI agent said, while the other one stepped on the gas._

 _With a heavy heart, Ana watched the black SUV's drive away._

 _"Be safe." Ana whispered, and let out a deep breath._

 _"Ana, are you alright?" she heard Christian say._

 _She avoided his gaze and said." Yeah, I'm fine. I just hope they'll do OK from now on."_

 _Christian stood in front of her and cupped her face with both hands. As their eyes met, a tear rolled down her cheek." Ana, you have done an amazing job with that family, OK? They were so lucky that you were the one to get this case." He insisted." Also, I believe they'll be fine now."_

 _Ana couldn't contain her emotions, and so she let her tears flow." I was so scared for them. They deserve some happiness, you know. After all that they've been through." She countered." Rebecca Van Rossum brutally lost her husband and the kids a loving father. I just hope they'll be OK now."_

 _Christian smiled and wrapped her in his arms." I really believe they'll be fine and it's all because of you, sweetie." He whispered._

 _" I know they'll be protected, but I'm still afraid, Christian…" Ana said." The trial won't begin in months, and Rebecca is the key witness in the case against those criminals! What if they find her? What if the kids get hu…"_

 _"Hey, hey, calm down, sweetie…" Christian said in a calm voice." They will be fine, Ana… the FBI won't screw up… have faith, will you?"_

 _As those words reached her ears, Ana closed her eyes and inhaled Christian's manly, addictive scent._

 _Yes. Everything will be alright… Rebecca and the kids will be fine…_

.

.

.

 **… END OF FLASHBACK …**

.

.

.

Ana was still sitting on the hospital bed, wrapped up in Christian's strong, loving arms.

"Do you want something to drink, sweetie?" he asked her.

Ana pulled away from the hug and nodded.

"And something to eat too." She said shyly." I'm hungry..."

He chuckled and got up, after giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

"Okay, wait here?" He asked." I'll be right back."

In response, Ana nodded, and clutched a pillow to her chest." Don't take too long…" she uttered, her voice so soft that he didn't hear her.

* * *

Note: Thank you so much for reading my work and reviewing. :)

Leave me a comment about this chapter?

Till the next one.

J


	6. For one day

**Disclaimer: I do not own FSOG or these amazing characters.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

 **For one day**

 **xxx [[[]]] xxx**

* * *

 _ **~ Four months later ~**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

While Ana looked at her own reflection in the mirror, she attempted to calm herself down. As the seconds passed, the mixed feelings she had about going back to work seemed too overwhelming.

"Who are you?" were the words that tumbled from her lips, while staring at herself.

Ana didn't recognize the terrified face that was staring back at her right now.

Who was she?!

She'd always been independent and she liked it that way. Ana liked the control she had over her own life. She liked to do things herself and never waited for others… never needed anyone else.

In the beginning of her relationship with Vincent, she had trouble letting him do small things for her. Like cook dinner for her or bring breakfast in bed. She even had a problem with him making her coffee, because she had her own personal recipe and she hated it when others screwed up her coffee.

Ana was that independent, but slowly she let him do things for her… with Christian everything was new and different and she liked it.

Why? Well, because she was madly in love with the man.

However, that was then. Cause right now, as she looked at her own reflection she couldn't for the life of her see that old Ana.

All she saw right now was a scared, insecure young woman…

There was nothing left of that independent young woman that she used to be. That strong, brave young woman who had brought a family of four to safety.

Ana had heard from a very reliable source that Mrs. Rossum and her kids were doing very well in their new town.

As she looked at her reflection, she saw no sign of that same woman who had to endure horrible pain and torture to keep that nice family safe…

"I see NOTHING!" She shouted, and broke down. As tears streamed down her face, Ana sank down to the bedroom floor, feeling helpless and completely worthless.

It was too soon, she realized right then.

She could not face the world yet! It's been four months of constant therapy and she even travelled with Christian and Mia to Australia for two weeks.

And Ana seemed to be doing well then. However, now that they were back home it's like the therapy didn't help at all.

The fear is still there. The feeling as if she was being suffocated was still present, but she didn't tell Christian or anybody else about it.

Ana was ashamed…

All of a sudden, Ana got up and grabbed her badge from the nightstand. She had to fight off her fears... she just had to! She really had no other choice.

"I don't deserve to have this badge." She whispered, and then her eyes landed on her gun that was still on the nightstand.

Ana knew they belonged to her, but she didn't feel worthy of possessing these two important things anymore.

Her therapist had given her the green light to work again. In Doctor Brown's office Ana looked like she was doing fine… very well even.

However, that was a big, fat lie!

At one point she shook her head. "I can't do this! I cannot pick up where I left off. This is too much!" she shouted, as she held onto her badge.

The strong and fearless Anastasia Steele was gone! All what was left, was an empty soul.

"Hey." She heard a voice from behind her.

Ana turned around and leaped into his arms. As he held her close, she let her tears flow freely.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Christian asked concerned.

She looked up and whispered. "I… I want to… but sometimes I feel so..." Ana tried to explain, but was unable to continue.

He gently cupped her face and looked her deep in the eyes." What do you feel, sweetie? You aren't making any sense right now." He whispered.

She held onto him and placed her face in the crook of his neck. As she inhaled his sweet, familiar scent, her mind seem to relax a bit.

Christian closed his eyes, and sighed." Everything will be OK." He said softly.

As the seconds passed, Ana felt safe and relaxed. With her still in his arms, he carefully said. "I spoke to Sawyer this morning. He is dying to have you back at the Police force. Well, so is everyone… your boss and the others too…"

Ana heard the words, but she didn't say anything back. Instead she held onto him tighter.

"Aren't you looking forward to go back to work? I remember this one time, when you had the flu. You couldn't wait to go out there and catch criminals. And…" he began, but he stopped talking when he realized that she was trembling.

He frowned and gently pulled back from the warm hug. He gently cupped her face and locked eyes with her. "What's wrong, Ana? Is it too fast? Do you need more time to adjust?" he asked with a worried tone." Should I call your therapist and ask for more time? That you're not ready yet to go back to work? I will do it. You only have to say the word."

At the moment he felt like a real IDIOT! How come he didn't see before that Ana wasn't ready to go back yet.

But all of a sudden, Ana pulled away from him and said." No, I can do it." She said fiercely with determination in her big, blue eyes.

"Ana, no… I don't think that's a good idea" Christian begun, but she cut him off." I'm fine… and I'm a big girl, Christian."

" You don't have to pretend with me, Ana… I can see right through you"

In response, she cupped his face gently." I have to do this… now." Ana pointed out, while looking at him with pleading eyes." If I don't, then I'll always be afraid. Please, I have to do this"

Christian wanted to object, but decided to give her just one day." OK, I won't call doctor Brown, but tonight after work we'll discuss this further, OK?"

Ana nodded and grabbed him by the hand." I can live with that. Let's try one day."

He smiled lovingly at her and asked." Do you need anything?"

"Yes, my scarf. Can you grab it for me? It's in the bathroom."

He nodded and walked to the bathroom.

Ana still felt that she wasn't ready to go out there, but she decided to suck it up and just do it. She can't hide in her apartment forever!

As she walked towards the table to get her gun, her heart rammed against her rib cage. With shaky hands, she grabbed her gun and let out a deep breath.

'It's just a gun…it's just your gun… this gun has saved you a dozen times before, when you needed it the most. Carly. It's just good, old Carly.' She told herself.

Her fingers softly brushed the cold steel, as if she wanted to get to know the gun. Ana slowly picked it up and stared at her own reflection in the mirror.

"Carly looks good on you." Christian said, as he watched how Ana was trying to get used to having her gun in her hand." It really suites you, sweetie."

Ana smiled and looked at her boyfriend. "Yeah, I have to stop telling you every little thing about me. You must think I am weird to name my gun."

Christian chuckled and walked closer to her. He gently wrapped the scarf around her neck and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Yeah, I still think that's very weird about you. Maybe I should report it to the Captain." Christian teased.

Ana shook her head and smiled widely." Funny guy"

She then leaped at him and crashed her lips onto his. The kiss was sweet and passionate.

'God, I love this man so much…' were the words that bounced inside her head, while kissing him with her whole heart.

Their kiss was interrupted though by someone clearing their throat.

As they both turned around, they noticed Hannah standing in the doorway." Sorry to disturb, but are you ready, sweetie?"

Ana nodded in response." Yes, I am." She then kissed Christian on the lips and walked out the bedroom.

Hannah looked worried, and of course Christian noticed it." She will be fine. Don't you worry." He said.

Who was he trying to convince: Hannah or himself?

She sighed in response. "I just have a bad feeling, Christian."

"Only one day… she'll go to work for one day and tomorrow we'll see. If she's not ready, I will tell doctor Brown to reevaluate Ana's mental condition. Promise." He said, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"So… she still doesn't remember anything?" Hannah asked.

He shook his head. "Only that they wanted info about the Rossum family, but her mind has blocked the rest out. She doesn't remember the rest of it. Not who took her or where they had held her hostage. Nor who were the ones who did the torturing." Christian replied with a sad tone in his voice.

As Hannah heard Christian talk about her best friend being tortured, her eyes automatically welled up.

"Hey, Hannah! You coming?" they both heard Ana say." I don't want to be late on my first day at work. Come on now"

Hannah wiped her tears away and immediately walked out the bedroom, leaving Christian behind with his thoughts.

 **… Half an hour later …**

.

.

As Ana walked into the Precinct, she was greeted by all of her co-workers. While receiving hugs and pats on her shoulder by the detectives and Police officers, she began to feel very uncomfortable. All of a sudden, she had trouble breathing and looked rather pale.

Sawyer noticed it immediately and led her to the kitchen. "Are you, alright Ana? Let me get you a glass of water." He said and grabbed a bottle from the fridge.

As Ana drank the liquid, Sawyer observed his partner. "Everything okay? Cause you don't look your best." He stated.

"I'm okay. I'm just overwhelmed by it all. It's my first day, you know." Ana replied and ran her hand nervously through her hair.

And just as she was about to walk back to her desk, Ana saw a man…

He walked by and it was in that very moment, that a very familiar scent invaded her nostrils… Her eyes closed involuntarily, as she deeply inhaled his scent. The man was wearing a cologne… Why did it seem so familiar to her?! She tried her best, but she couldn't quite place the scent. It was like her mind was blocking her from recognizing it…

Ana frowned and opened her eyes. "Sawyer? Who is **_that_ **man?!" she said, and pointed at him.

Sawyer looked at the man and said. "Who? Him? Oh, he just transferred two months ago from L.A." he explained." He's new here. His name is Kent Morris."

When her mind had processed the name of the man, Ana suddenly blacked out. But… before doing so, she had a memory:

 ** _"Wait! Morris! What the HELL?! You can give her the electric shocks, but don't let her die! She must NOT die! Make sure she does NOT DIE! We need her alive, DAMN IT! We need her to give us the information first!"_**

* * *

 **Note: Thank you so much for reading my work and reviewing. :)**

Leave me a comment?

Any questions? I'll do my best to answer them.

Till the next one,

J


	7. I have to wash it away

**Chapter 7**

 **I have to wash it away**

xxx [[[]]] xxx

* * *

 **"Wait! Morris! What the HELL?! You can give her the electric shocks, but don't let her die! She must NOT die! Make sure she does NOT DIE! We need her alive, damn it! We need her to give us the information first!"**

.

.

When Ana came to, she felt an ache in her neck. As her eyes slowly fluttered open, she noticed that she was lying on a desk.

"Whose desk is this?" She asked, while sitting up with a start.

"Hey, hey. Take it easy." Luke said, genuinely concerned.

"Sawyer, what happened to me?" Ana asked, as her eyes scanned her surroundings, her eyes landing on a certain detective.

"Steele, the paramedics are on their way. Just stay down, please…" Sawyer told her.

In response, Ana furrowed her brows." What? No! I'm not going to the hospital again!" She protested, and attempted to get off the desk.

Sawyer shook his head, and helped his partner, because it was no use trying to stop her. Ana was that stubborn!

"OK, take it easy. I'll help you, just try to act less stubborn, OK?" Sawyer pointed out.

"I'm stubborn?" Ana countered, and carefully got on her feet. They were a little wobbly, but stubborn as she was, she acted like nothing was wrong.

The others that had gathered around Ana looked at her, asking if she was fine." I'm fine, you guys. Can you give a girl some space? Please?" she scolded her co-workers.

Without waiting for any response, Ana walked straight towards the detective called Morris.

"Hi, I'm Steele. And you are?" she said, introducing herself.

The man smiled and said." Hi, I'm Morris."

While shaking his hand, the hairs on the back of Ana's neck immediately stood up. It was then, when she inhaled that repulsive scent of his... that familiar cologne. Though Ana wanted nothing more than to interrogate this man, she knew that she couldn't do just that. She knew she had to have proof first. If he was one of the men who had kidnapped and tortured her, she had to find out more about him.

At the moment the only thing linking this man to her kidnapping, was his cologne. She couldn't exactly walk up to her boss and say. 'You know detective Morris? He was one of the men who had kept me against my will, and I know that because he's wearing that same cologne the kidnapper wore.'

Her boss would think that she had completely lost her freaking mind!

So, no. She had to take her time and investigate carefully. Ana didn't remember much of that awful experience, but she _did_ remember the electric shocks, that cologne, that name, and the excruciating pain she felt at the time…

She didn't remember any faces though.

"Steele?"

Ana was taken out of her thoughts by Sawyer's voice.

"Steele, the paramedics have arrived" he told her, and gave her a worried look.

As he watched his partner, Luke noticed something off about her. Something's most definitely wrong with Ana…

"Tell them that it was a false alarm" she told Sawyer, while looking at him with pleading eyes.

Luke sighed deeply and yet walked over to the two paramedics. No matter what, he had her back. Always.

"So… how long have you been in the Police force, Steele?" the new detective asked.

At hearing that, her eyes darted towards Morris'." Six years" Ana replied, and when she noticed how his eyes roamed all over her body, stopping at her chest for a brief moment, her stomach churned.

What a disgusting man!

It was then, when Sawyer returned. "I'm gonna get some fresh air" Ana announced, feeling as if she was about to throw up her breakfast from this morning.

"But…"

Without waiting for Luke's answer, Ana hurriedly walked out the precinct, after grabbing her bag and phone.

The second she was outside, tears had pooled in Ana's eyes. Without a thought she ran towards her car, opened it in a hurry, got in and locked the doors. The moment she felt like nothing or no one could get to her, Ana let it all out. A gut wrenching sob escaped her lips, as she remembered the way she had been tortured. Her whole body trembled, thinking of the way one of her captors had looked at her, while being tied up in a chair.

Those green eyes…

She'll never forget those eyes. For days on end, he was the one who had been in the white room with her, looking her straight in the eyes.

His face was covered with a black ski mask, but those eyes… Ana would recognize them for sure.

Was it him though? Was it Morris?!

Ana wasn't sure. Morris didn't have green eyes.

What have those monsters done to her? Why was she still so confused, her memory from that week still blurry? What more had her kidnappers done to her? Had they violated her more than one way?!

Ana sobbed uncontrollably, and at that moment she felt so filthy and powerless." God, please help me." she whispered, and wiped away the tears.

She decided then to wash away the filth on her body. That's what she wanted and needed to do this instant. Wash all the filth away...

She started the car, and sped away towards her apartment. The second she entered her living room, Ana hastily began taking off of her clothes. She was having a panic attack, and felt the only thing that would make her feel better is to wash away the filth.

The moment she stood under the shower, she hastily turned it on and began scrubbing her whole body with soap, and then with shower gel. However, it didn't work! The more she scrubbed and washed, the worse she felt.

Never in her life had Ana felt like this." I have to wash away, wash it all away!" She sobbed, while scrubbing herself till her skin turned pink.

"Ana?" She heard a voice say, making her jump up.

It was Christian." Are you OK?" he asked, the tone of his voice calm." Sawyer called me and said that you left the Precinct. Talk to me, please?"

Ana glared at him, making his skin crawl. That look she gave him was heart breaking... Ana had never looked at him that way.

"I have to wash it all away, don't you understand?!" she scolded him, as tears spilled from her eyes." The filth on my body! I have to wash it all away."

Christian's heart ached tremendously at that moment. It pained him so much to see the love of his life in this unstable state. Tears had pooled in his eyes, but he acted strong in front of her. She needed his help, so he had to be the strong one now. He slowly, and carefully walked over to her, not wanting to stress her more.

"Hey, Ana… sweetie. Can I do something for you?" he asked, and gave her a sad smile.

She didn't react to his words though, and kept scrubbing roughly." I'm dirty! So filthy, Christian! I need to wash it away! Need to…" Ana yelled, while throwing daggers with her blue eyes at him.

.

.

.

Approximately two and a half hour later, Ana sat in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of tea.

Her hair was still damp from the shower, her hand trembling while bringing the cup to her lips.

She waited for Christian, while he called the office.

"I'm going to take the day off" he had told her a few minutes ago." Work can wait"

Ana's mind was still a jumbled mess, memories and images plaguing her tenfold. Christian and the others had advised her to stay home longer. However, she really thought she was ready to go back to work.

And this is the result…

She was just about to grab her phone, when Christian pushed the kitchen door open.

"Hey, sweetie. I'm back"

Ana pulled her hand back, and locked eyes with him. But, didn't say anything to him.

"So, today," he began, and took a seat next to her." Today we're gonna spend some more quality time with each other"

Ana sighed loudly, and gave him a sad look." I want to stay in"

Christian knew Ana well. Right now she is shutting the world out, even him.

However, he couldn't let her do that.

If so, she's going to fall deeper into the 'hole' she's in.

He could ask her therapist to come over, but he knew very well that Ana would protest and not talk to the doctor at all…

After she had taken the shower, Christian had helped Ana. He led her to the bedroom, and even had put an outfit together for her.

Her skin was still red and raw from the way she had scrubbed it, so he had been _very_ careful while drying her off and had applied some lotion to her whole body.

Before she was kidnapped, he used to pamper her like that. And her reaction to it, always melted his heart.

Ana would giggle like a school girl and shyly looked at him, while he took care of her. She'd give him loving looks, and butterfly kisses on his cheeks and lips, and God damn those were the most precious moments for him.

Well, that was before…

And now? Now Ana only stared at a certain spot in the room, and she wouldn't even look him in the eyes. The laughter and giggles he used to hear were replaced by a quiet and withdrawn Ana…

That's why Christian decided to lighten things up, trying to make her feel better. In his opinion Ana needed a distraction from her trauma and pain. Then maybe, just maybe in time she'll confide in him…

"I'm going to my room" he heard Ana say, taking him out of his thoughts.

She got up, but he grabbed her hand and squeezed it lovingly." Ana?"

"What is it?" she replied without looking at him.

"Let's go out, you and me" he suggested, while trying to make eye contact with her.

She shook her head in response." No, I don't feel like it"

"Your therapist has spoken to your boss… you don't have to go back to work yet, sweetie" Christian said softly." And I've taken the day off. Let's go out, just the two of us."

Ana's eyes fluttered shut, and he kissed her hand softly." What do you say?" he asked.

She thought for a few moments, and then Ana said." OK, that's a good idea."

"Really?" he said, and got up too. Christian was surprised by her answer.

Ana then finally locked eyes with him." Bring me to Mia." She demanded." Since her battle with that awful disease, I haven't spoken to her properly."

He interlaced their fingers together, and gave her a sad look." I'm not sure… erhm…" Christian started, but was unable to continue, tears pooling in his eyes.

Ana swallowed hard, eyes still locked onto his." I know she's been struggling with her health, and that's why I _need_ to see her," she told him." Please, Christian…"

He shook his head." You're struggling too, Ana"

A tear rolled down her cheek, as those words reached her ears." I know that. But, I just wanna forget about my own struggles, Christian. Even just for a bit," she told him." And Mia must think I'm a horrible person… I haven't been there for her at all"

He cupped her face gently, his heart filled with so much love for her." Ana, let me tell you something," Christian said in a convincing manner." You are the most unselfish, and kindest person I know... don't you dare even think that you've been horrible to Mia. She knows what you've been dealing with, believe me sweetie"

Tears streamed down Ana's face, as she heard those loving words." I miss her, Christian… can we go see her, please?"

He nodded, and wiped away her tears." Of course, Ana… we can go now"

* * *

 _ **Note: Thank you so much for reading my work and reviewing. :)**_

 _ **Leave me a comment?**_

 _ **Till the next one,**_

 _ **J**_


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